What are the essentials of good listening? Different people, websites, teachers and doctrines all agree on a few key principles. They are:
- be present
What does this mean? As I listen (and not just hear) to what someone shares with me I have to still my inner voice; my judgements; my suggestions and any tendency to ‘problem solve’, as well as stilling my inner distractions and dialogue. When I do so, I am present for the other, not myself - be affirming
What does this mean? As I listen I hear the words and absorb the details of what the other person is saying. Then, when they have finished speaking and I have not interrupted their thoughts and words, I ask whether they have anything else to say or whether something else come to mind? I then repeat what they have said to make sure that I have heard them completely and correctly. Some call this ‘mirroring’ because you reflect back to the person what they have said. This practice is affirming because it demonstrates that they have been correctly heard. - be patient
Being patient means allowing space for silence. At times someone needs you to just be seated by them, in silence, knowing that another is there for them. Silence is a dear friend of a good listener. It indicates that some situations require more than words, or no words at all. Some situations only require a person sitting still and listening to the other, especially their sound of silence.
“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
Romans 8: 22-28 The Message
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